Short answer? Maybe.
But let's go deeper for a moment and talk about pleasure. Not the surface-level kind that fades fast (though that kind has its place, too), but the deep, connected kind that roots you into your body and wakes you up to life.
I define pleasure as anything that feels good, connected, and alive. It might be the warmth of the sun on your skin, the quiet intimacy of a slow conversation, the way your partner grips your ankle, or the spark of desire that catches you off guard and makes you smile.
In a world that sells joy like a commodity and packages “good vibes only” as a lifestyle (gosh, I do love a good vibe though IYKWIM), it’s easy to wonder: Is the pursuit of pleasure just toxic positivity in drag?
Let’s unpack that.
What is toxic positivity?
Toxic positivity is the insistence on maintaining a positive mindset no matter what. It’s the pressure to look on the bright side while ignoring real pain, grief, anger, or complexity. It tells you to smile when you actually need to scream. It’s the denial of the full spectrum of human experience in favor of a curated version of “light and love.”
It’s not real. And it’s not kind.
So where does that leave pleasure?
In its purest sense, pleasure isn’t about escaping reality — it’s about being fully present in it.
Real pleasure doesn’t bypass discomfort; it coexists with it. It meets you in your grief, your rage, your exhaustion. It says, “You get to feel all of this and still experience something good.” It’s not a performance or a mask. It’s a reclaiming.
When we chase pleasure in order to numb, distract, or pretend — yes, it can start to look like toxic positivity in a sexier outfit. But when we choose pleasure from a grounded place, when we allow it to support our nervous systems, reconnect us with our bodies, and remind us we are alive — that’s not toxic. That’s truth.
Pleasure isn’t always easy. Sometimes it takes courage.
Because to truly let yourself feel good means facing all the reasons you’ve been avoiding it. It means softening control. It means being honest about what you want and letting yourself receive it.
The difference lies in the how.
Are you choosing "pleasure" because you’re not allowed to - or don't want to- feel anything else?
Or are you choosing pleasure as a radical act of self-connection and aliveness?
There’s a world of difference.
Pleasure, when rooted in embodiment, is never toxic.
It’s medicine. It’s information. It’s the pulse of life reminding you: you are not a machine, you are not a performance, you are not here to override your humanity in favor of a more “palatable” version of yourself.
You are here to feel it all — and that includes the good, the juicy, the deeply connected moments of yes.
So no, the pursuit of pleasure isn’t inherently toxic. But the way we relate to it can be.
If you want to live a pleasure-filled life, start by asking: Is this choice helping me feel more connected, more alive, more me?
If the answer is yes — then that’s real pleasure. And that’s the kind that changes everything.
Are you interested in pursuing more pleasure in your life? I'd love to support you in your journey - especially the hard parts.
I'm currently at capacity - actively coaching couples and individuals to feel more connected and alive - but, you can join my coaching waitlist here.